


Atmosphere

by hippienouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Help, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, OT5, Smut, eventually, idk what im doing, probably i mean why not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:12:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6717964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippienouis/pseuds/hippienouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis cries himself to sleep most nights. He doesn't know if he can make it through this year of Uni without his old friends, his ex-boyfriend. They wouldn't understand, though. They wouldn't understand why he's lied to them all these years and he wouldn't know how to explain it. Because Louis' an omega, not a beta, but no one knows this except for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

Louis often tries to remember a time when it wasn't always so hard to breathe. He tries to think back to the beginning of Uni, when he really didn't know anyone and he could keep to himself and he didn't have to worry about the world looking down on him. He tries to remember a time when he didn't constantly have people, breathing down his neck and telling him he's wrong, but he doesn't really remember. Not really anyway. He tries to remember when his family still called him- still wanted him to call to check up. He doesn't remember when they cut him off, doesn't fully understand why. He thinks it might have been his lacking schoolwork or poor choices, marking every incidence and fuck up of his career. There's also the possibility it had to do with his falling out with Lottie. He'd said some nasty things and so had she, but Lottie'd always been the favorite of the kids. And then, of course, it could've been Harry. Because his family loved Harry, and Louis- well- didn't.

Or, couldn't was more like it.

It was hard enough, being a beta and being surrounded by friends who are all alphas or omegas. It was hard enough to see them sharing a bond that Louis would never understand. It was even harder when Louis actually was an omega who knew exactly what he was missing out on, but had no way of telling the truth. And the hardest part?

The hardest part was letting go of Harry when he presented as an alpha. Because "betas and alphas just don't work". And it was true, but Louis was an omega! He'd always been an omega. But no one knew Louis was an omega. Except for Louis that is.

So, here he was, trying. Trying to remember and forget all at once. He'd seen Harry earlier today, with a pretty little blonde omega and he'd never really believed a heart could shatter until that moment. In that moment his soul left his body, left him to shrivel up and die on its own. Louis loved Harry- loves Harry- even though he shouldn't, even though he can't. So he sits at the bar, taking shots with Stan- who is really his only friend anymore. Ever since he left Harry no one wants to talk to him, no one wants to be his friend. He gets a call from Zayn every now and again, but it always makes Liam angry and no one likes when their alpha is mad at them. And Louis is so jealous because Zayn has Liam and Niall. Liam has two omegas. Two omega have one alpha. You can word it however you want, but they have so much love between the three of them- so much happiness- and Louis has none of that. He has nothing like that.

He had something like that.

Stan challenges Louis to chug a long island with him. Louis acquiesces. And he knows he shouldn't get drunk off his ass, especially not tonight- not when he has a huge English lit test tomorrow that he's been studying all week for. He can't help it, though, because all he sees is Harry. His head is filled with images of Harry all the time, 24/7. And now all he can see is Harry with the blonde skank, who may not even be a skank, but Louis' going to assume for the hell of it. Louis misses Harry and he wants Harry, but he's supposed to be a beta- has to be a beta. He chugs the drink and he's feeling completely the opposite of sober. Omegas have a lower tolerance for alcohol than betas, but it's hard to play the part when it's a mind altering substance. Stan's whooping and cheering, already calling the bartender over for something else. Some of Stan's other friends that Louis doesn't know are here as well, cheering Stan on and they seem like there's nowhere else they'd rather be. Louis would rather be anywhere, but here. All he wants really is to curl up in bed and cry himself to sleep again tonight.

And then he hears familiar voices and he turns around. He can't believe that they're here and all he can think is, "Not tonight, please not tonight." But, it's them- his friends. Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and a blonde skank are walking in together. In that moment, Louis just wants to throw his head through a wall. He's suffering enough and he's drunk. The combination of events will lead to nothing good.

As he stares, Niall catches his eye. He looks surprised at first, but then turns to Liam, saying something. Liam then glances over with a hard glare, turning back to Niall with a firm shake of his head. And Louis turns at that, because he knows that Liam's just told Niall that he can't come over here- that he's not allowed. Louis knows what he did to Harry was shitty, he also knows that for the sake of everyone, what he did was right. He still doesn't understand why Liam won't be his friend- he didn't hurt Liam. Although, maybe he did. He doesn't know at this point. He really can't believe that he's been rejected by everyone he once loved over a break up. He sighs and Stan hands him another drink. Louis' not sure what it is, but at this point he figures it wouldn't hurt to down it. He's going to fail his lit test anyways, why worry about it any longer. He's setting down the cup when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns quickly, and it's got a bit of a dizzying effect on him so he shakes it off.

"Oi, mate! Haven't seen you in ages!" And Niall's beaming, looking so happy to say hi to his friend and Louis wishes he could return the enthusiasm.

"Don't make Liam mad, Niall," is all Louis can mutter. He doesn't want Liam to go all alpha on him. His body can't handle it at this point. He's been taking suppressants for too long and they're not working quite as well as they used to be. He doesn't know what he's going to do once they wear off completely.

Niall immediately loses his smile, his face dropping. He looks at Louis, searching for his old friend. It's been a month since Louis left the apartment, left them behind. Niall knows that Liam basically kicked Louis out, but he also knows his alpha can't hold a grudge forever.

“How are you?” Niall asks and of course, Louis lies. He says he’s fine and that he doesn’t mind living with Stan.

They get into a normal conversation then and all of a sudden it feels like nothing's changed. Louis makes Niall laugh and Niall tells Louis about what he and Zayn have been getting up to. He finds out that they were both recently punished for trying to see him without permission and Niall can’t hide the blush on his face as he retells the story. He talks about how Zayn will be in an upcoming art show and how he also thinks he’s going to fail the English lit test tomorrow. Louis can only groan at that. He’s too drunk to really care, but aware enough to know they’ll be repercussions for the F he’ll receive on the test. Louis doesn’t ask about Harry and Niall doesn’t bring him up. And he most certainly doesn’t cautiously glance at Harry and the blonde skank on the dance floor every few minutes (He does). 

All in all, Louis’ feeling better than he did earlier in the night. He’s glad that something inside of Liam decided to let Niall come over. He thinks his night might end on a good note, and then Niall drops the bomb.

"You can come back, Louis," Niall says quietly. Louis wonders if he's whispering because he doesn't want his alpha to overhear. He continues, "To the apartment, I mean. We want you to come back, we miss you.

"Liam doesn't want me to come back."

"He does!" Niall reassures quickly, "He was angry about some stuff, but he's over it, Louis. I promise. You should come back."

Louis sighs, looking down. Louis misses Niall and Zayn. He misses them a lot. He misses Harry- God, does he fucking miss Harry. He doesn't really miss Liam, but he does miss the company the alpha unknowingly gave to his inner omega. It’s just- the thing is- if he comes back then he’ll be seeing a whole lot of Harry again. He doesn’t know if his heart can take it- not when he’s got so many lies piling on top of one another. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to watch Harry date other people. 

He looks at his blonde friend sadly.

"Ni, I don't-"

His answer is never heard and what happens next is unbelievable- happens too fast for Louis to even know what really happened. One second he's answering Niall's question and next he's being roughly bumped from behind- shoved forward. He hits Ni, who stops his fall, but is unfortunately pushed to the ground from Louis' force. Niall hits his head, cracks it on the ground, crying out in pain. Louis rushes forward to help.

"Oh my god, Niall! Are you okay?"

Before he can help his friend, though, he's hit in the side with a force that feels like a freight train. He hits the ground hard, definitely feeling and hearing a crack. His eyes tear up because whatever has just happened is the most pain he's ever felt in his entire life. He looks up and sees Liam looming above him, eyes black with fury as he seethes. He bends down slightly, looking Louis directly in the eyes.  
"You don't ever touch my omegas," he grabs Louis by the chin, forcing him to make eye contact. "Do you understand?"

It's not an alpha command, but it sure as hell feels like one. Louis isn't even given the opportunity to answer before Liam is harshly ripping his hand away and going to Niall. It's then that Louis realizes the whole bar has stopped and is staring at him. There are a lot of glares and Louis doesn't understand what he's done. He doesn't understand how in the past month and this night alone he's made so many people hate him with his actions. His tears are ready to spill over, but he's got to remember that he's a beta and this is not something a beta would cry over. Then all of a sudden he's making eye contact with green eyes- the same beautiful, green eyes that he loves so much- that he wishes he'd never let go of. There's uncertainty there, so much so that Louis wants to get up, run to Harry and explain everything, but he can't.

With as much dignity as he can muster, he stands up and hurries out of the place, not once looking up as he goes back to Stan's.

And, well, if he's a sobbing mess as he swallows his suppressants that night, then he's the only one who needs to know about that, too.

**  
One Month Ago

“Louis, I don’t understand,” Harry exclaims as he paces back and forth in his room. They’ve got separate rooms in the shared house with their friends, but it’s been months since they’ve slept apart. Louis doesn’t know how he’s going to cope after tonight- how he’s going to fall asleep without someone next to him every night. 

“What’s there to understand, Haz?” Louis can’t look him in the eye. He can barely look at him at all. He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t.

Harry looks ready to pull his hair out. “Why are you doing this?” Harry kneels down in front of Louis, who is sitting on the bed. He holds his face, looks at him. “I don’t understand why we can’t try. I love you, Louis. Being an alpha means nothing to me! I still love you.”

Louis wants to shake his head out of Harry’s grasp, but his inner omega is craving the sanctity of the touch.

“Betas and alphas don’t work out Harr-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Louis!” Harry interrupts, ripping away and standing up. Louis knows he can’t even look at him, that none of this makes sense. Louis knows he’s an ass. “Just because people say it doesn’t work means nothing, Lou! We can work it out, I know we can!”

And Louis wishes he could just tell the truth. Because breaking up with Harry has nothing to do with being a beta or him being an alpha. It has to do with Louis’ dirty little secret. It has to do with the fact that he’s an omega and no one knows. He can’t continue this relationship with Harry knowing he’s lied for the past two years. He can’t continue to accept love from someone who trusts him so much, but shouldn’t. Louis can’t be with Harry because he won’t be outing himself as an omega anytime soon. Lying before Harry presented didn’t seem like such a big deal, but now-

“Louis, this isn’t right. This isn’t a reason to end this. We’re stronger than our labels, Louis.”

And maybe if Harry hadn’t presented so late, at eighteen, none of this would have happened. If he’d presented at sixteen, like the average teen, then maybe he and Louis would have never gotten together. They wouldn’t be having this argument.

“Are you even listening to me? This is insane. I love you, Lou. Nothing has changed. We’re the same people.”

And Harry’s still going on and on and Louis can’t stand it because he doesn’t want to do this, but he has to- for Harry’s sake he has to. He wants to kiss Harry, to apologize, to make love to Harry. He wants Harry to hold him, run his fingers through his hair and tell him everything will be alright. Louis supposed to be a beta, though, and shouldn’t expect that kind of treatment. He wishes he could change his past and never go through with hiding who he truly was, but it was too late for that. Everyone believed him to be Louis the beta. It was too late for second chances.

“I’ve made my decision, Haz,” Louis finally says quietly, “We can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

Louis doesn’t want to look at Harry’s face, but he does. The pained look is almost enough to kill Louis. He feels as though someone has shoved a knife in his heart, sadistically twisting it over and over. Harry doesn’t seem to be able to find any words, so instead, he storms out of the room, slamming the door on the way. 

At that point, Louis has no idea when he’s started crying, but he doesn’t stop for three days. 

And then after three days, Liam kicks him out.


	2. Two

Bent over the toilet, wanting nothing more than to disappear from the face of the earth right then and there, is Louis Tomlinson. Curled over the seat, shoulders clenched and arms held tight around his body, he leans forward, heaving once more into the porcelain figure in front of him. Sweat beads his brow and his chest holds a tightness that has been around for God knows how long. His heart beats rapidly as another wave of nausea falls over his body. He knew better than to get as drunk as he had, and he went and got sloshed anyways. He is still wearing his clothes from the night before and the combination of his slept in clothes and the puke in the toilet causes him to scrunch his nose. 

As he finishes another round of throwing up once more, he sighs and rests his forehead against the cool toilet seat and kneels on the tile. He hears Stan come into the bathroom and suddenly there’s a glass of water next to him and two pain-relievers. 

“Jesus, mate,” Stan comments and then whistles low, “You look like shit.”

Louis rolls his eyes and blows out a long breath. “Thank you, Stan,” he replies sarcastically before grabbing the water and pills, downing them quickly. “I missed my English test.”

Stan tries to wave away his stress. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll have plenty more tests.”

They both know that’s not true, though. The semester is almost over and Louis’ been slacking in all his classes since the break-up with Harry. Neither of the two will be surprised if Louis has to drop out after next semester. It wasn’t as though he was the best student before the end of he and Harry, anyways. In fact, maybe he’d be better off going right into the working field. He’d never been that academic throughout most of his life anyways. 

Despite knowing that Stan is bullshitting both of them, Louis nods his head in agreement. Stan reaches forward and pats his shoulder.

“How you feeling then? Liam knocked you a good one last night.”

Louis cringes as he remembers the moment that Liam knocked the hell out of him. His entire side is a mixture of blue and purple and he’s been in an incredible amount of pain ever since he woken up. Of course, he can’t tell Stan that. A beta would be bruised, but not nearly so badly. Not to mention, the emotional pain he feels from the moment is unimaginably intense. As a beta-faking omega, Louis’ inner omega had been mistreated many times, but he’s never felt the kind of inner turmoil he felt last night. He’s never had an alpha hurt him in the way that Liam had and his omega soul has been wrestling with his mind ever since the incident.

Still, Louis waves Stan off. “Eh, I’ll be fine.”

Stan scoffs slightly and leans back against the wall, crossing his arms. “That Liam is a right dick. You didn’t even push his omega! If anyone deserved to get shoved to the ground, it was the guy that bumped into you.”

Louis nods and tries to breathe deeply as he senses another wave a sickness hit him. “Yeah, well, no point dwelling on it now. Can’t turn back time.”

But, oh, how Louis wishes he could. If he could turn back time, he’d go all the way back to the time that he started hiding his status. He’d make it so he never faked being a beta- so he’d never be stuck in the bind he’s in now. He would have never known what suppressants and scent-blockers could do to his body. He would never have had to break up with Harry.  
Harry. Fuck, maybe he would just turn back time and never be with Harry- never know the pain that loving and losing someone like Harry Styles meant. Harry, who was so sweet and perfect and caring and loving and everything Louis had ever wanted. Harry, who presented late and ruined Louis’ chances of keeping up his secret. Harry, who meant more to Louis than any other person on the planet-even now. Harry, who Louis could never kiss again, be with again. Most days without Harry, Louis just wants to die. So, yes, if Louis could turn back time he would probably make it so he never even met Harry. 

The wave of nausea that he thought was approaching luckily passes. He slips from his knees and sits with his legs out in front of him. Stan stares down at him, slight amusement and worry on his face.

“You gonna be okay there? I gotta head to the library for a little while.”

Louis nods and waves him off. “Don’t worry about me, mate. I’ll probably go for a walk or something.”

Stan hums in understanding. “Fresh air will probably do you some good.” He stands up straight. “Well, I’d best be off then. I’ll see you tonight?”

Again, Louis nods and watches as Stan walks off. Once he hears the front door shut and lock he drags his body up from the ground. He turns to the mirror and stares at himself, almost not believing that the person looking at him is his true self. The bags under his eyes and sunken look of his face looks like something out of a movie. He wishes he knew if it was from the hangover or the suppressants, but there was no true way of knowing. He runs a hand down over his ghoul-like face and turns away, a persistent lump stuck in his throat.

**

The irony of how beautiful the day is and how sour Louis’ mood happens to be is not lost on him. He stands next to a coffee shop- his favorite coffee shop to be exact- a small tea clasped in his hands as he stares towards at the small park across the street. London has not been this pretty in a long while and all the families are out with their children. All Louis can think about his how one day those kids would present- one day they’d either accept themselves or not and they’d have to live with whatever they ended up feeling, just as Louis does. 

Unexpectedly, a hand falls to Louis’ shoulder and he jumps a good three feet in the air.

“Woah, mate!” The voice laughs.

Louis is too nervous to turn around. Haven’t they established that him being in any of their presence is a bad idea? He closes his eyes and says a small prayer before turning. Zayn still holds a soft smile from scaring Louis, but worry traces the features of his face as well. Zayn is a beautiful omega and Louis could not be more jealous (of his outed status and his looks). It’s an added benefit that Zayn isn’t afraid to be mischievous, even with an alpha as serious as Liam. Louis wishes he was born Zayn instead of himself, but he would never wish his own life on any other person. 

Before Zayn is able to say anything, Louis blurts out, “Where is Liam?”

Zayn’s facial expression immediately turns what looks to be troubled and sad. It angers Louis slightly. He doesn’t need his sympathy. He feels sorry enough for himself, he doesn’t need anyone else’s empathy. 

“He’s not with me,” Zayn assures quickly, “He’s working and he said Niall and I could go to the park if we wanted since it was such a nice day today.”

Louis’ shoulders immediately fall in relief, his prior fear momentarily forgotten. His eyebrows then furrow in confusion and he glances around.

“Where’s Niall then?”

Zayn laughs, a hearty laugh, and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Liam said we could go to the park. He never specified us having to go together.”

Louis has to laugh good-naturedly at that and rolls his eyes. Liam surely has his hands full almost all the time with Niall and Zayn. They have to be the most trouble-making omegas Louis has ever known. And suddenly there’s a feeling of sorrow in Louis’ chest because he wishes he could be someone’s omega like they are. He wishes he could have an alpha to keep on his toes- to watch over him, to discipline him and cherish him. He wishes he had an alpha to love him. He doesn’t and wouldn’t ever, though, because no one knows he’s an omega and no one ever will. 

He pushes away his sorrows and glances back at Zayn, who’s expression has once again changed. It now is back to pitiful empathy and Louis really just wants to wipe the look from his friend’s face.

“I’m really sorry about Liam last night, Louis,” Zayn begins, “It’s really not his fault. He’s been in full alpha mode since Niall’s heat last week. It’s just in his nature, you know?”

And of course, Louis knows. He knows better than anybody how hard one’s biology will push them to do things they may not normally do. Every day, Louis’ body pressures him to give in, to accept who he is, but Louis continues to push back. Louis knows exactly what it feels like to not act on instinct, how much pain it brings. In that moment, his inner omega wants him to whimper, but Louis is a trained professional and he stops himself. 

And, really, Louis doesn’t want to shit talk the respected alpha, but he can’t seem to hold his tongue. 

“Yeah, ‘course. I was only his friend once, it makes sense that his instinct would be to push me into the ground.” Let’s be honest, he wasn’t too sorry about saying that.

All Zayn can really do is nod and say, “I’m sorry,” once more. 

They’re both quiet for a moment before Zayn speaks again. “We talked to him, Niall and me. I really do think he feels bad, especially once Niall told him that you were shoved first.” Zayn takes a moment to bite his lip and Louis wonders where this conversation is going. “And, I know Niall brought this up to you last night, but we really want you to come back to the apartment.”

Louis begins to shake his head. “Zayn-“

“Lou, hear me out!” Zayn quickly cuts him off. “I know how tough things have been for you lately, we all do. And, while none of us completely understand why you did what you did, we understand that it’s a decision you had the right to make.”

Louis feels the lump from earlier in the day settle back in his throat again. He’s not entirely sure he can handle this conversation. This is not something he wants to talk about with anyone, ever. No one will ever understand.

Zayn continues, “It wasn’t fair what Liam did, last night. He understands that now. And, back when you left, you shouldn’t have felt like you had to leave, not when you were going through such a hard time. We all weren’t there for you when you left, but we want to be there now.” Zayn breathes in deeply and looks Louis in the eyes. “We want you to come home, we miss you.”

And all of a sudden, Louis isn’t sure if he can breathe because he now realizes that Zayn and Niall don’t know that Liam is the one who kicked Louis out. They think Louis left on his own accord and wasn’t literally shoved out the door by their own alpha. He knows better than to tell the truth, though. If Liam is lying to them, it’s probably for a good reason.

Louis takes a shaky breath, his lips quivering ever so slightly. “Liam and Harry don’t want me back there, Zayn. I can’t go back there with two alphas that hate me.”

Zayn shakes his head quickly. “No, Louis! Liam told me and Niall, he’d let you come back. He told us. And Harry- well- We haven’t really talked to him about it, but he doesn’t hate you, Lou. None of us do. We love you.”

Louis can’t respond. His throat is closed up and he can feel a wetness stinging his eyes as he looks down. His arms have crossed in front of his body in a protective stance and he can feel the onslaught of tears fighting the barrier that he’s been trying to set. He doesn’t know what to say or what to believe. He’s been gone a month- a painful, horrendous, torturous month. He doesn’t know if moving back would do any good. There would be the constant reminder of Harry, of course, and not to mention he knew Liam didn’t like him, no matter what Zayn said. He still hasn’t looked up or responded when Zayn places a hand on his shoulder.

“Just think about it, mate. I’m serious when I say it’s an open offer. Don’t worry about Liam and Harry right now. The omegas are in charge when it comes to this.”

Louis is not sure how to feel about that statement, but softly he nods his head. He swallows down his tears and finally looks back up at Zayn.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Zayn gives Louis such a genuine smile that Louis almost feels all his fears go away. The omega leans forward and gives Louis a huge hug.

“We love you, Lou. Don’t think otherwise, alright? I’ll call you later this week.”

Zayn leaves and Louis watches his figure head down a path farther into the park. At this point his tea is cold, but he’s not sure that he would be able to stomach it anyways. Zayn’s offer is incredibly enticing, but Louis knows there’s almost no way it would work out. Liam wouldn’t allow it and Harry wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him, not with his pretty little blonde thing. The thought of something so wonderful being so close yet almost impossible, had Louis feeling incredibly sick. Before he can do anything else, he rushes to the restroom, throwing up for about the millionth time that day. 

At that moment, he tells himself to forget Zayn’s offer. He should know better than to get his hopes up at this point anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! First off, I want to say thank you for the incredible response to the first chapter! It really took me by surprise! Second, I want to apologize for how late this is. Let's not even count the months and make it easier on all of ourselves. I believe (no promises) that I'll be updating this more frequently. I do have finals next week, but after that all I'll have is work until school starts back up in January. Again, thank you all so much for the support and I'm excited to continue this story!!


	3. Three

Louis skips out on classes for the rest of the week. He really thinks there’s no point in going when he knows his head will pound throughout every seminar and he’ll never even look at his homework. He’s been laying in his bed for the past few days, only getting up a few times in order to use the bathroom and eat. Even when he eats, though, it’s usually only an apple or a piece of toast. He’s never able to stomach much more and he truly believes it’s the suppressants. He knows the suppressants are doing more hurting than helping lately. He can tell his omega is not being suppressed as strongly, but his body feels weaker and weaker with each day that passes. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do if the suppressants begin to fail his body, but he decides not to worry about it at the moment. He recognizes that he’s destroying himself everyday as he continues with the drugs, but his mind tells him he can’t stop. Nothing good will come from Louis admitting he’s an omega. 

As he lays on his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling, he feels a heavy weight in his chest. He knows that keeping his status will result in nothing good. He’ll never find love- he’ll never be as close to anyone as he had been with Harry. He’ll ruin his body and mind by taking suppressants day in and day out. He knows he won’t live a long, healthy life- no one who ignores their status does. And, lastly, he knows that he’ll live his life as though he’s an empty shell of a person in public, then go home to sob out his misery in solidarity. 

As his thoughts wonder, his pocket begins to vibrate and he freezes. Who on God’s green earth would be calling him? The only person who ever wanted to talk to Louis was Stan and he was out with some old friends. There would be no reason for him to be trying to reach Louis. He shakes off his confusion before grabbing the phone and checking the caller ID. He doesn’t recognize the number, but accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear.

“…Hello?”

There’s rustling in the background and faint voices, but nothing Louis can make out. He scrunches his eyebrows in confusion, getting ready to hang up when a single voice makes itself known.

“Louis?” 

And Louis freezes. Because, no. He is not allowed to call him. He is not allowed to call Louis as if they are normal friends who call each other to catch up. He can’t do this. He considers hanging up, but knows that will only hurt him in the long run. Louis bites his lip and slowly starts to dig his fingernails into his wrist. It’s a few moments later when the voice speaks up again.

“Louis,” his voice is gruffer this time, “I can hear you breathing.”

Louis digs his fingers in deeper and clears his throat.

“Hi, Liam,” he squeaks out. He wants to die. He wants to die. If the suppressants are going to kill him then let them take him out now. He can’t talk to Liam. Liam hates him. 

Liam doesn’t waste a beat, “Hi.” He pauses to take a deep breath. “I have a proposition for you.”

**

Niall and Zayn have their ears pressed up against the door to Liam’s office. It’s really a wasted effort, though, because Liam’s office is soundproof- something the alpha purposely had made sure was an option when they’d found this apartment. He didn’t want sneaky omega ears listening in on his business or private phone calls. 

Liam was a few years older than Zayn and Niall both. While the two omegas were still in University, Liam had been working at a large office for a couple of years now. He’d met Niall and Zayn- along with Harry and Louis- five years ago when they all had been volunteering in London for a service project. After that day, the five had become inseparable. After a couple years and almost all the boys presenting, Niall, Zayn and Liam finally formed an official relationship. Harry and Louis followed not too long after. Of course, for Harry and Louis, that relationship easily came crumbling when Harry presented. The other three, though, have been going strong since they originally got together. 

On the other side of the door, Liam sits in his office, phone pressed to his ear. Louis hasn’t answered him, but he can hear his ragged breath. He wonders momentarily if the boy is sick, but doesn’t ponder too long on the thought. He needs to get down to the point of this conversation.

“Louis, I can hear you breathing.”

He can’t help but think about how odd Louis has become. He doesn’t and will never understand why Louis left Harry. He doesn’t understand why Louis acts so standoffish towards the rest of them. He understands Louis not wanting to talk to him, after he kicked him out and all, but he doesn’t understand why Louis acts so distant from his omegas as well. They love Louis to death- even now- but Louis will barely spare them the time of day. 

Louis clears his throat and lets out a squeaky, “Hi, Liam.”

“Hi.” He takes a breath, hoping he will be able to get all these words out correctly. He knows he’s done Louis wrong in the past- and he’s still not fond of the lad- but he cannot allow his omegas to be upset any longer. They miss Louis and Liam can feel their sadness over their friend who doesn’t spend many days in their lives. 

“I have a proposition for you.”

And he does. He hasn’t stopped hearing his omegas whine and complain for weeks about Louis’ absence. He’s felt their pain from it too many times recently. He’s had to punish them because they won’t let the topic go when he tells them to. He doesn’t really want to let Louis back into their lives- it’s not something he’s keen on doing- but he would do anything for his omegas. 

Louis remains quiet on the other end of the line. Liam take this as a cue to continue on.

“You can move back into the apartment.” Louis’ breath quickens through the phone. “But you are not to mention to anyone in this house that I made you leave in the first place. That’s something to be kept between you and I.” 

He has no clue what’s going through Louis’ mind, but his first thought is that Louis must be ecstatic. The boy has had to have missed them while he’s been away. Louis, Zayn and Niall were incredibly close before the boy had moved out. Niall and Zayn were miserable about it, so it only made sense that Louis was also miserable without the boys. Despite the fact that it seemed Louis hadn’t made a whole lot of effort to talk to his boys, the times he had been around them recently it seemed as though he was happy. 

Liam waits a few moments before hearing Louis’ quiet voice on the other end. 

“No,” Louis mutters quietly. His voice is so soft and he certainly sounds lost. It only confuses Liam. “I’m not coming back.”

Liam is immediately taken aback and, as he sits on his own in the office, he raises his eyebrows. 

“I…Well…What?” Liam isn’t even able to form a coherent sentence. He had been so confident that Louis would immediately agree and be thanking Liam from the bottom of his heart. He figured the boy would have already been on his way over, shouting praises towards the skies. Was Louis not suffering as much as Niall and Zayn? Did Louis not even care about them? 

Louis sighs softly. “I won’t be coming back. It’s very obvious I’m not wanted there, Liam. It would do no good.”

And Liam cannot fathom how Louis is willing to ditch his friends with such an offer on the table. Sure, putting Louis and Harry back in the same home isn’t ideal, but it would sure be beneficial to the omegas in the home. Not to mention, Liam was currently suffering from the tiniest bit of guilt in his gut from kicking Louis out in the first place. And, while he wasn’t willing to admit to anyone else that he had done it, he knew the only way to feel less guilty would be to bring Louis back to them. 

Liam runs his hand down his face, realizing that this conversation may be harder than he originally planned. Louis was obviously not going to be giving in as easily as he thought.

“Listen, Louis, I know you and I have our differences and that’s fine. Niall and Zayn, though, don’t deserve this treatment from you. They miss you a lot and have wanted you to come home for a while.”

**

Back with Louis as he continues to lay sprawled on his bed, he listens to Liam’s reasoning. In all of the sadness he feels lately, an anger begins to boil in his gut. How dare Liam try and make him feel guilty for avoiding Niall and Zayn when he is the reason. Liam has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want Louis around the two on more than one occasion. 

“Well isn’t that odd,” Louis spurts out bitterly- a sudden confidence overcoming him, “that I haven’t spent time with the omegas of the alpha who kicked me out of my home and shoved me to the ground.”

Louis knows he shouldn’t start this with Liam. It seems a lot less beta-ish and a lot more omega-ish, but he can’t seem to help it. The hot-headed alpha is obviously incredibly ignorant about the whole situation and doesn’t understand that he was been a root cause in a lot of these issues. All Louis can think is that his huge head and ego must be getting in the way of his ability to clearly understand a situation. 

“You know why I kicked you out, Louis. You know what I found-“

“Stop, Liam,” Louis cuts him off softly, “You still have no idea what you’re talking abou-“

“That doesn’t matter!” Liam shouts suddenly and Louis cowers, glad that no one is there to see his reaction. “I know what I saw. You can continue to try and deny it, but I know the truth whether you want to agree to it or not.”

Liam doesn’t reference the incident from the bar and both men are momentarily quiet. Louis can’t speak- his throat is too tight and he knows his voice will crack if he even tries to speak. He’s too shaken up from Liam’s outburst and figures if the alpha wants to continue the conversation then he can speak. 

A sigh is heard. “I don’t need an answer right now, Louis, but the boys really do miss you. I’m sure I am about as excited about this as you are, but think about Niall and Zayn.”

_Why doesn’t anyone ever think of me,_ Louis can’t help but think. He closes his eyes tightly, as they are slightly lined with tears. He swallows the lump in his throat and takes a deep, shaky breath, hoping that Liam doesn’t pick up on the raggedy sound. He looks at his hand where his nails have been digging throughout the entire conversation. Blood has begun to pour slowly out of the wounds. Louis hates himself a little more than he did a few minutes prior. 

He realizes that Liam won’t allow him to say no at the moment. There’s no way for him to deny the offer at the present time. He takes one more breath, hoping his voice will come out somewhat strong. 

“Okay, I’ll give you an answer later.” 

He imagines Liam nodding at that moment. “Thank you. And Louis?” There’s a slight pause and then Liam continues, “If I find anything of what I found last time, you won’t be allowed near my omegas ever again- no matter how happy you make them. Their well-being means more to me than their friendships.”

The line goes dead and Louis can’t help but feel numb. Liam doesn’t know what he’s talking about and Louis wants to scream and cry and rip out all of his hair. Part of him wants to be back with his best friends and the other part of him is too scared to constantly be around two alphas, let alone two alphas who want nothing to do with him. He doesn’t know if he can deal with being around Liam’s watchful eye and Harry’s betrayed one. He’s too conflicted as he drops his phone and stares down at his bleeding wrist. 

He knows his brain is too scattered at the moment, so he decides to sleep on the thought. It’s late anyways at this point and his body was burning with an ache for rest. 

**

_ “Louis!” Harry yells as he runs up to his boyfriend. A year ago he may have jumped onto Louis’ back, but over the past few months he’d hit a bit of a growth spurt and often worried about hurting his boyfriend.  _

_ Louis is standing on a hill that sits away, off the trail the two had been walking on. He’s gazing up at the stars, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Harry runs up beside him and wraps his arms around Louis from behind.  _

_ “Hello,” Harry mumbles quietly into Louis’ neck.  _

_ The soft breath sends chills up Louis’ spine and he leans closer to his boyfriend. This was probably the third time the two had come to this exact spot in the middle of the night. It was a great place to chill out and relax- not to mention a wonderful make out destination. Louis and Harry sit down on the hill, leaning against one another.  _

_ Harry loves coming here, because Louis is usually so loud and boisterous. He’s outspoken and sociable- and Harry loves all these things about him, he really does. They are the traits that make Louis the Louis he loves. Coming to the hill, though, does something to Louis. It makes him quiet and soft. It’s as though these times are the only ones that Louis allows himself to just sit and think. Louis’ head is resting calmly on Harry’s shoulder as he picks at some grass that lay at their feet. _

_ “Harry?” Louis mumbles, not looking up from the piece of grass he twirls between his fingers.  _

_ “Hm?” Harry hums softly as he wraps an arm around Louis, pulling him impossibly closer.  _

_ Louis glances up at him and smiles softly. “I love you.” _

_ Harry gives one of his charming smiles, dimples prominent as he leans down and kisses the top of Louis’ head. “I love you, too.” _

**

Louis’ eyes open suddenly. He certainly wasn’t expecting to dream of Harry, but he has. The dream, that was more a memory than anything else, has Louis’ heart throbbing as he slowly sits up in bed. As he glances at the clock and sees that it’s two in the morning, he opens his nightstand drawer and begins to rummage around. It takes him a few moments, but he finally finds what he’s looking for. 

He pulls out a photo and stares at it intently. On it shows he and Harry, only a couple of weeks before Harry presented. Louis is on Harry’s back and both boys are laughing, not a worry in the world seems present on their faces. Although he knows he can never have this back, part of him feels as though he can’t live without Harry any longer. Even if Harry isn’t his, Louis only needs his presence. 

Louis isn’t completely sure what makes him do it- maybe the now relevant memory he has just dreamed or the silent tears cascading down his face- but he picks up his phone and searches for the number that called him earlier. He stares at it for a long moment- thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Then, before he can stop himself, he’s typing out a message and sending it.

_ I'll come back. _

Once it’s sent, Louis begins to question what he’s done. This isn’t right- people will only get hurt from his decision. All Louis can think about, though, is Harry and his face from the dream and the memories. 

And Louis knows that if the suppressants are going to kill him anyways, then he might as well die while being around his friends and the person he loves most in the world- even if said person hates him more than anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proud of Louis.


End file.
